A bit of backstory- I've known these girls for almost 20 years. We met in high school right before we really came into ourselves. By the grace of something, we all managed to find each other right as our little caterpillars were starting to become opinionated, nerdy, artsy, hot butterflies. We're more than just best friends, we are family. And although SOME of us choose to not live in New York to pursue important and life enriching things, we all stay in touch. A lot.
THE TRIP
On the plane Sonya and I had to sit in separate rows but one seat away so Sonya got a good look at the back of my head. Her plane partner was a fantastic human being and they talked about art, film, family and gave each other mutual support in each others careers/lives/relationships.
I was sitting next to one of the most detestable men in the universe. He was 50 with a "hot" 20 year old girlfriend (pics on the Blackberry, OMG!) She looked Russian and recently shipped to America. He also wouldn't shut up, and berated me when I mentioned the turbulence made me nervous.
Sonya's plane buddy overheard our conversation and actually said, "Your friend is a saint."
FINALLY we arrived. This is Sharda and Amir's amazing house:
The next day we went to an antiques store where I bought some crap.
Sonya met a gorilla.
I didn't buy these, but clearly, they are exquisite.
I also have the maturity of a 14 year old boy.
That night, we took Sharda out to dinner for her birthday to a place called Woodfire Grill. Apparently it's owned by one of the guys who's a finalist on Top Chef, if you're into that kind TV (I am, but I'm more of a Project Runway girl). The food was amazing. But I was just so distracted by my beautiful dinner dates.
When we got back, we decided to see that new blockbuster film 2012 at the local drive-in. But right as we were about to go, a gorgeous little stray dog ran up to us. We gave him some food and put him in the garage so we could figure out what to do.
I'd go into how bad 2012 was, but I honestly don't have time to write a 642327234565625 page essay. Let's just say I think the world may have ended, but I was too busy getting high off the fumes from the exhaust of about 50 running cars that mixed nicely with the buzz from the Crown Royal I was tippin' off from my new flask. But seriously, the movie sucked. Drive-ins are weird, but I'm glad I got to experience it, especially with a cheesy disaster movie. What I don't understand, however, are the people at the lot next door who thought it was a good idea to see Precious at a drive-in, but whatever.
So, back to the dog. The next day it became apparent that it had fleas. Not just fleas, a colony. An infestation. It was bitten so bad, it was bleeding. So we went to the store and stocked up and gave the little fella a flea bath.
The amount of fleas that were on that dog was staggering. I mean, during the bath and the mass exodus, I saw families of fleas with suitcases and go-bags running off for dear life. The president of the Flea Land himself came out and begged for mercy. It was just like 2012, but for fleas. I'd like to say I'm exaggerating, but no. Here he is, Charlie, the best dog in the world:
Post the 1st flea bath. Yes, we had to give him 2.
After the second one, he was so happy!
We found out later that he had belonged to the guy who ran the "transient" house across the street. This is the same house neighbors called the ASPCA on because they had left a Rottweiler tied to a tree outside in the rain for 3 days. Apparently the owner has been "in the hospital" while these hoodrats were "taking care of the dog" but they really didn't care much for animals so didn't really know what to do. So we kept the dog for a bit longer until Sharda and Amir could figure stuff out.THEN we went out to Gladys Knight's restaurant, Chicken and Waffles. Holy crap. Sonya ordered the "Sweet Tea". I told her that's what the decoy children always offer the pedophiles in "To Catch A Predator" order before Chris Hansen busts them. She didn't seem to care.
Afterwards, we surprised Sharda with a birthday cake.
Afterwards, we surprised Sharda with a birthday cake.
Then the night got real interesting. We went to the Clermont Lounge, a notorious strip bar in Atlanta. It's been around since 1965 and apparently, so have the strippers.
From Wikipedia: The Clermont is perhaps best-known for featuring some dancers who do not meet the traditional physical standards for strippers, the most famous of whom is Blondie, noted for her ability to completely flatten empty beer cans between her breasts as well as for her poetry.
Yes. It's the kind of strip joint that makes ladies feel really confident. But the strippers were hilarious and awesome. The music was great- it was spun by a guy named DJ Romeo Cologne. He's about 70 and is serious about his gold chains. I had a blast- I ended up chatting with some of the strippers in the dressing room/ladies room, made a whole bunch of new friends and danced a lot. My friend Sonya somehow ended up in a manwich between this one old dude who actually PUT HIS CANE ASIDE to dance with her, and this other guy we called Cliff Huxtable because of his sweater. And then we bought Sharda a lap dance from stripper Porche "Sweet Treat". Don't ask to see her sweet treat unless you want to see a 63 year old woman's genitals, I'm just saying. Oh, and one stripper crushed a beer can in her butt cheeks. There are no cameras allowed there so here is my artists rendering:
Afterwards, because the flea medicine had officially kicked in, we let Charlie into the house. We were in love.
So was he.
The next day, before we were leaving for the airport, I hopped in the shower. We'd spent all morning with Charlie, and Sharda and Amir figured they could just foster him if/when that dude came back from the hospital. All was well.
Afterwards, because the flea medicine had officially kicked in, we let Charlie into the house. We were in love.
So was he.
The next day, before we were leaving for the airport, I hopped in the shower. We'd spent all morning with Charlie, and Sharda and Amir figured they could just foster him if/when that dude came back from the hospital. All was well.When I came out of the bedroom freshly bathed, I sauntered into the living room and said,
"You know, I was thinking- he'll probably need a can of food total, twice a day. I know that can get expensive but maybe if..."
They were all standing in the kitchen staring at me, somberly. It was too quiet.
"What?"
Again, radio silence. Sonya sipped her tea and looked away. Sharda chewed her lip.
"Wh... where's Charlie?"
Silence.
"GUYS?!?"
Sharda stepped forward, "The neighbor just came and took him. Apparently the guy who's in the hospital, his family's gonna pick him up."
Charlie didn't want to go, and they didn't want Charlie to go, but they had no choice. They let the guy know that if the family didn't want him, they'd take him. He really was a great dog.
The flight back was fine, and when I got home, I picked up my own special guy, who was very happy to see me.
So, that's about it. It was an adventure filled weekend and fantastically fun. I hope Sharda had as much fun as we did. And I'll never ever be able to hear the words "sweet" and "treat" in the same sentence ever again.
